Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize