I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
