If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
