I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
