Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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