They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
