he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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