I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
