The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
