I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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