I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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