Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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