This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
