Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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