ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize