my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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