hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
