Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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