so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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