the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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