I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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