I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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