I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
