i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
