i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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