I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
