the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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