Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
