i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
