whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Welp...herpes.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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