I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
