Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
