Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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