direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize