so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
