Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
