if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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