I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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