You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Randomize
