I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I need moral support for this bender
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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