i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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