it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
