I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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