he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
