do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
