my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Floor bacon is actually really good
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
