So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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