all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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