He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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