Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
