My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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