how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
