I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
