I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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