There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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