plz talk dirty to me
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
