Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
