We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
