ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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