WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
