Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.

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(561): View more from Florida

I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."

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(718): View more from New York

I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.

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(914): View more from New York

shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness

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(303): View more from Colorado

I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.

(720): View more from Colorado

When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?

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(541): View more from Oregon

So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."

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(775): View more from Nevada

he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial

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(214): View more from Texas

I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.

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