i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
