I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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