I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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