Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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