He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
