I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
