it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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