i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
