I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
