Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
