you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
