My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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